Live from Boca

Sorry not to have posted in so long. That week before spring break always kicks my butt.

So, now I'm down in Boca Raton, Fla., visiting my 82-year-old grandmother. This is, on the one hand, very special and fun. I love my grandma and she has generally been very supportive of me. On the other hand, she can be, umm, very difficult. Very difficult. Really. Very difficult.

For example, when you say something she doesn't like, she ignores you. It's as if you didn't open your mouth at all.

Last night's conversation at the Early Bird Special at a restaurant in Boca:

Grandma to me: You're going to have the lobster tail.

Me: Actually, I really would like the scallops.

Grandma: You like the big scallops? (They were sea scallops, for those wondering.)

Me: Yes.

Grandma: Blech. (She really makes this noise.) I don't. I only like the small ones. You're going to have the lobster.

Me: I don't want the lobster. I want scallops.

Grandma: No, you'll have the scallops. With a baked potato.

Me: I don't want a baked potato. I want the mashed sweet potato. And I want scallops.

[waiter comes over]

Grandma: We'll both have the lobster tail....