In It

Life has become pretty dull around here. I eat, sleep, and drink the bar exam. I have hundreds of flash cards and I am trying to cram it all into my brain before the start of the exam a week from tomorrow.

I wake up every morning around 7, no matter what time I have gone to sleep the night before. I don't need an alarm clock. This is good: my body is trained. But the eyes-fly-open, nausea-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach feeling... that, I could do without. I have bought lots of Pepto-Bismol. Mnemonic devices pop into my head and it is soothing when I can remember what they stand for.

I go over to my best friend's house, and I sit at her dining room table, and I look at my watch and I study. At the end of every hour, I give myself a little mark on an index card. It is a way to keep track of the time. I turn on my iPod, and sometimes, sing out loud, all the while studying. A couple of times a day, I eat something, though it doesn't much matter what, as it all makes me feel vaguely ill. At night, I get to watch some TV. It has become a highlight of the day.

Today, I am going to try and go to the gym. I thought it would be good to do something physical.

This will all be over in 12 days, and I can't tell if that is terrifying or comforting, or both, all at once.